Black Pepper
by Purple-Cyanide
Summary: Grell decides to skip off work early and go to the human world, but it gets weird real fast when he has to solve a murder with a snake carrying loon.
1. Ditching work

**A/N: Okay so here's another Kuro story! Me and my sister decided to have a little fun and write some Kuro related stories but we put loads of names in hats and other aspects you need for stories too. Basically I got the short straw and got awkward characters I can't write for honestly I think I'm an awful person to write for Grell, so be prepared for there is a silly catchphrase I had to get in a certain amount of times and a line from the avengers gag reel I had to get in. It's kinda lame at the start but it gets funnier!**

"Ugh." Grell sighed as he slumped down onto his office chair

"This year's death toll is soooo low!" He whined to his Underling.

Not getting any response he continued to fill the air with his own voice.

"The only good death so far was the bloody Queen, bet her records were boring. All she did was mourn 24/7 at least now she'll see her precious hubby."

"Ronald!"

He dug his heels in the blond's shins.

"Ow! What do you want me to say? If you're so bored why don't you cut off work or bother someone in the human world."

Grell leaped out of his seat.

"Ronnie I knew I could count on you for an idea!"

And after that he ran down the corridor and swiftly left dispatch.

"Well this is boring"

His red hair draped onto the floor as he sat upside down on his sofa.

Slowly swivelling around to an upright position he actually debated to himself on whether or not he should go back to work, just thinking that to himself made him laugh.

Seeing as sitting in his house not doing anything was boring he made the decision to go to the human world at least there he could have some fun.


	2. Avenging

Several hours had passed from him first entering the human world and nothing of slight interest had happened yet.

Then there was a sudden outburst of distressed wailing coming from and alleyway!

'Finally something interesting will go down' Grell squealed in his thoughts.

Following the cries he could now hear that it was a man yelping.

"COULSOOOOON! Oh god." They cried at the top of their lungs.

Grell just stood there and watched awkwardly as they seemed to be crying over no one.

"Coulsooooooooooon! I will get the avengers and they will avenge you!"

"Says Wilde" He added.

"Who are the avengers?" Grell thought out loud.

The grey haired man turned to stare at Grell.

"WHA! Who are you!? Says Emily" He flailed

Great.

Out of all the people who could bring some light in this dull day it was a nut job that carries snakes around and refers to himself by different names.

Not that Grell can really call himself sane either.

"Well, you can call me Grell and what may I call you Snake boy?" He huffed.

Coming closer to Grell he looked him up and down.

"I'm Snake. Says Emily"

Grell twitched.

'God he did it again'

"Will you help me get the person who killed Coulson? Is that why you're here? Says Os-"

A hand covered his mouth before he could finish.

"No, but I might if you specify what kind of revenge because if we're talking the deadly kind I'm all in" He grinned showing off his shark like teeth.

The smaller man huddled with his snakes having a discussion of some sort.

Finishing his debate he came back to Grell.

"Yes, we want the person to have the same fate as Coulson" He said sternly.

"Excellent, so where's Coulson's body?" Grell smiled.


	3. Pepper

"WHAT THE HELL?" He grabbed Snake by his lapels.

"COULSON'S A DAMN SNAKE!?" He fumed and let go of the crazed circus freak.

"Snakes have feelings too like people. Says Dan" Snake interjected Grell's tantrum

"Yeah, but if he was a frickin' person I could've just looked at who bumped him off!" He snarled.

Grell paced cooling himself down.

"I guess whoever did it still killed your pet, but do you even have a clue who it was?"

Snake shook his head in reply.

"No surprise there" He retorted

"Oh!" Snake exclaimed.

He dug his hand into his waistcoat pocket and held out his hand, on his palm was black powder and some sort of granules?

Grell stared at him.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I found it by Coulson; I believe it to be black pepper. Says Wilde" Snake poked at the powder in his hand.

"Does this count as a clue?" Snake beamed.

"If you want but pretty much anyone could have black pepper" Grell folded his arms.

"Yes but I know only one person who uses it loads. Says Bronte"

Grell perked up and clapped his hands together in joy.

"Well who is it so we can end the guy already?" He grabbed snake's shoulders and snake turned around.

"Follow me."


	4. Curry and Rice

They both arrived at a house which was on the outskirts of London.

"Who did you say did it again?" Grell knocked on the door while asking.

"Mr. Agni did, I always thought he was a nice man, but I guess you never really know a person until they murder your snake. Says Dan"

"Yeah..." Grell looked away from the asylum seeker.

He knocked again but harder and the door slowly creaked open.

"Hey Mr. Acne you home?" Grell called in.

"It's Agni" Snake corrected him as Grell barged in.

Snake followed sheepishly behind him as they looked around the house.

They made their way into the last room to check which was the dining room.

"AH! Well rumble my rhombus! He's dead!" Snake ran over to Agni's body.

He had face planted into his plate of curry and rice and it looked like he died there.

"Who the hell even says 'rumble my rhombus'?" Grell followed Snake over to his body.

He lifted up his head, and it seemed like he had foamed at the mouth.

"Why would someone poison him? And while eating your favourite dish that's just heartless! Says Bronte"

Snake snooped around Agni to look for clues, oddly on the other side of the table he noticed that a chair had been pulled out like someone had been sitting there.

"You said you could see who hurt people right?" Snake reminded the redhead.

"Yeah so?" Grell retorted while inspecting his nails.

"So can't we just go see who did it? Says Oscar." He pointed out.

"Okay, I'll take you to my world but you've got to stay in my apartment, understood?" He threatened.

Snake nodded.

**A/N: 'But I guess you never really know a person until they murder your snake.' **


	5. Reprimanded

Snake sat there silently in the overly flamboyant reapers apartment, it was so red to the point some might question if a mass murder took place there.

Snake jumped out of his seat when he heard the door close.

"Sorry it took me so long, I got caught looking through the records and then reprimanded because I cut off work early, ah! Will's so cold to me~" Grell swooned off into a daydream.

Snake tapped him on the shoulder breaking his trail of thought.

"What?" Grell hissed

"Do you know who did it?" Snake waited for a reply.

"Oh yeah that…"Grell thought intently.

He pondered trying desperately to use the little brain power he had to remember.

"Yes! It was an ummmm…Prince Soda or something like that, pretty stupid name if you ask me" He sighed.

"And yours isn't" Snake muttered

"Hey! Wha-" Grell was cut off

"Well rumble my rhombus! Why would he want to kill his best friend and not to mention Coulson! Says Wordsworth"

Snake leaped towards the door.

"We must stop him before he strikes again!"


	6. 110 Percent

They appeared outside Soma's house; Snake took no time to waste and knocked on the door.

There was no answer.

Before he could knock again the door was cut out of its frames by Grell's death scythe.

Snake ran inside to see Soma standing at the top of the stairs.

"Hello Mr. Snake, I knew you would be coming for me at some point" Soma laughed.

"Why Soma!" Snake cried.

"BECAUSE AGNI ALWAYS PUT SO MUCH OF THAT DAMNED BLACK PEPPER ON EVERYTHING!" He wailed.

"No, I meant why Coulson!? Says Bronte"

Soma stared at him evilly.

"_I did it because I liked it_" He started grinning

"What!?" Grell and Snake asked jointly.

Soma started descending down the stairs towards them.

"I said_ I liked it, watching him squirm in my hands as I slowly strangled the life out of his metre long scale ridden body,"_

He got horrified gapes from Snake.

"_The way he hissed it sounded almost like he was begging for his life"_

Soma held his sides as he went into a state of evil laughter.

"You're a sick man! Says Emily"

Grell just watched as he realised the crazy train needed to end at this stop.

He started up his chainsaw.

"Okay, Prince whatever your name is it's time for your reign to end"

Grell pushed his death scythe deep into Soma's back.

Soma spewed blood from his mouth and slowly slid off the end of the scythe onto the floor.

"It's such a shame he was a colossal jerk. Says Wordsworth"

Snake threw a blanket over Soma's lifeless body.

"Yeah, well I have got to go before another reaper appears."

"And with that I took my leave" Grell explained.

"So are you honestly trying to tell me that's what happened when you skipped work?" Will rubbed his forehead.

"I'm not trying because it's 110% the truth Will"

"I never even caught you in the records library" William corrected Grell.

"Okay, maybe 75% the truth"

They sat there in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm giving you overtime for a week"

"But Will! Grell flailed

"It's final, now get out of my office"

Will pointed to the door and Grell obediently left.

"Honestly"

**A/N: Well that's all folks, I have to admit I cried a little while writing Soma's bit which makes me feel like a loser because I made myself laugh too hard.**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Reviews are always appreciated~**


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